The Rebel Sigh


I like to quickly gloss over that word and believe I have all my priorities straight.

I mean I am a wife and mother first.

We eat dinner together around the table more days than not.

I intentionally plan time with my husband, kids, and even my friends.

I set aside time daily to read God’s Word.

I have priorities.

Yet there is something God wants me to do that I haven’t really done yet. It is something that sort of gives me a lump in my throat and makes my heart beat faster. It really isn’t that scary, but I sigh hard in rebellion.


He is asking me to do something that isn’t easy for me. Something I would prefer to just happen naturally. But God is telling me it won’t happen naturally. I have to make changes. Change is hard for me.

God is calling me to stop thinking of my writing and speaking as a hobby, but instead think of it as a job. A real job with real hours and that means no more working in yoga pants and wet hair. It also means getting in bed on time and waking early. Did you know I am not a morning person?! AT. . . ALL. . .

At the beginning of January God sort of laid a schedule on my heart. I scribbled it down on a pad of paper and left it there. I haven’t touched it sense and I haven’t even remotely reached the goals set aside in that schedule.

I just sighed as I wrote that last sentence. Why? because I want to spend my time my way. The truth? It isn’t my time at all. It is God’s time and yet I fight and rebel against the way He wants me to spend my time.


So now I have told you. I have a job to do. I am a wife and mother first, but I am also a writer, student, and speaker. I must start acting like one.

So tomorrow I will begin anew. Waking up early, going to bed early, and working the jobs God has given me to do. I pray with the help of His Spirit, I will finally walk in obedience to His call on my life.