Soothing My Raw Soul and Memory Monday

It seems like there is fire in my nerves.

Photo courtesy of: Suat Eman
Photo courtesy of: Suat Eman

My heart clinches tight and although nothing is really wrong everything irritates.

My raw soul seeks out offense and bristles at anything that does not go my way.

My words drip with frustration.

And I can’t seem to stop.

Perhaps I am still learning to wait.

Wait for God’s direction with my writing.

Wait for God’s guidance with my speaking.

Wait for God to move in the areas I serve in my church.

Wait and rest.

Instead I wait and pace.

I wait and plead for something to do.

I feel like I need to get somewhere fast and everywhere I turn there are detours, traffic jams, and orange barrels.

Tears come quickly, but never seem to fall.

I don’t have time for that and I laugh at the irony of it all.

My foundation seems to shift and then I know. . .

If my foundation is shifting then I am not grounded in God for He is unchanging.

What then am I trusting to ground me?

Myself? I fail, but I often think too highly or too lowly of myself. Either way it is pride to say I can and pride to say I can’t for only in God I can and with God all things are possible.

Then I see the truth in the glimpses of God’s hand in my life. . .

The sparkle in my husband’s eye.

The huge squeeze from my little man.

When my oldest opens her heart and shares with me.

When my L sings silly and giggles hard.

In those moments I lay down the load of my own making and put on the yoke God intended. He promises His burdens are light and His yoke is easy.

And I hear the whisper of words from a much wiser pilgrim than myself.

“Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.” Jim Elliot

Be all there in the wait.

Don’t wish away what you have now for what you are waiting.

When crankiness comes in the wait turn your eyes to Jesus. Focus on Him. Give thanks for what He is giving you today. Trust Him for tomorrow. Rest in His plans.

What do you do when your soul feels raw?

As for memory Monday…I didn’t finish memorizing Psalm 40. Did you? So let’s have a do-over this week. Finish Psalm 40 so we can move on to other memory challenges.