Ashamed…

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes…” Romans 1:16

Ashamed. My heart twisted in my chest and my cheeks burned. Hot like the searing in my heart. I did it and now I am done. I knew better, but I got angry. My neck and shoulders tensed, who would find out? If “they” knew what would “they” think? Did I ruin my testimony? Would God ever be able to use me?

Evasion, denial seems to make sense. Hide my shame and no one will know. Then my precious testimony {as if my testimony were more important than my God} will be protected and “they” will never find out. {don’t ask me who “they” is…I don’t know}

I take the road well-traveled ahead of me. Adam and Eve hid their sin with fig leaves, David with murder, and me, I deny it. I pretend I have it all together. I am the perfect wife, daughter, friend, mom. I know it isn’t true, but I don’t talk about it. I just paste the smile and allow shame to sink in deep.

 Shame erodes my freedom in Christ. It keeps me ineffective in Kingdom business, because I have to stay aloof to keep my shame hidden. I must remain isolated. I cannot let others in to see who I really am or my secret will be out.

Isn’t that the opposite of what God called us? Didn’t God call us to community, to build into each other, to encourage each other, and to even confess our sins to each other (James 5:16)?

If the gospel is God’s power then why do we walk around ashamed of our sin? God’s power has freed us from our sin. Yes Jesus calls us to “go and leave your life of sin,” (John 8:11), but He does not condemn us, He gives us grace.

We need not hide our shame instead we need to confess and repent our sin. We need not air all our sin to everyone, but we need to remember we are sinners. Redeemed sinners, but sinners who will fight against our flesh every day. Sinners who are desperate for God’s grace. God’s story of redemption and refining in our lives does not “ruin” our testimony. No it speaks to who God is and the power of His forgiveness.

Let’s lay our shame at the foot of the cross and trust Jesus’ redemptive work on the cross.