Beyond Me…

The words hung in the air and flew like a dagger into my heart.
“I hate you mommy.”

I knew this phrase would come. I had prepared myself.
However I expected it closer to puberty,
not before my children were even in the double digits.

Anger rises like a red flag waves in front of my mommy eyes.
I want to scratch and claw. I want to fight back.
But the hot stinging tears come first.

Pain and anger mix with disappointment.
My mind races. Hot searing words flow in angry tones.
My point made, minus grace.
This is beyond me. I can’t do this. , I think.

Truth comes to mind, “…while we were God’s enemies,
we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son…” (Romans 5:10)
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us in that
while were were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

That kind of love is beyond me. Even for my children.
Don’t get me wrong, I love them, I would die for them.
But my humanness tells me I deserve better.
I birthed them, I feed them, I clean up their puke and other bodily fluids…
I get them to school, I quit work for them…I deserve honor and respect.

In fact, God agrees. He tells children to “honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12).
The difference? God loves us even when we don’t. He is patient, He gives grace.
That ever-present, unconditional, grace-filled love is beyond me.
I can’t do it alone. I need His Spirit to guide me in those moments.
I need more of Him and less of me.

Humbly I come to my child.
Asking forgiveness.
My child in turn asks forgiveness of me.
Mercy and grace flow.

Mothering is beyond me. I need wisdom. I need a mind like Christ.
I need to rethink what I think is important in view of God’s grace and mercy.
Oh, but I must never forget, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
Discipline, training, encouraging, all to help mold and shape my children.
All so they may know our Lord, so they can be men and women who
serve, love, and honor God in all they say and do.
All under the umbrella of grace and mercy through our Lord.

Father God, this mothering thing is beyond me. It stretches me. It changes me. Lord forgive me when I make mistakes. Give me wisdom that is beyond me. Give me patience, mercy, and grace to love, discipline, and encourage Your way. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

What part of mothering or parenting is beyond you?
If you aren’t a parent yet, what did your parents do well?
What do you want to do different from your parents?
Let me know what you think! Leave a comment (the link is at the top of each post).