hope

Misc

Strength in Waiting

Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” So we are waiting for God to perform a miracle. Right? A miracle in our bodies, so we can have a…

Letting My Treasures Go

Have you ever tried to change a two-year old’s clothes while he or she is clinging to a “treasure.” It could be a book or a toy or a shoe for that matter, but he does not want to let it go. You pull the shirt over his head and his hand will not go…

Dodging Arrows

I confess I am not always eloquent, nor do I much grace. I am a klutz who is too familiar with the taste of foot because I often find my foot in my mouth. When it comes to infertility it seems the world around us has foot-in-mouth disease. People say things that must seem funny…

Contentment and Power

I have been praying for a miracle. A miracle within my body so I can somehow conceive another child naturally; or a miracle that lands an orphan on my doorstep ready for adoption, no strings attached; or the biggest miracle of all, the one in my heart for contentment for my current situation. I am…

Anchor in the Storm

While trying to conceive, each month feels like a storm. The storm starts brewing as you plot and plan, watch and wait for the “perfect” time to baby dance. The clouds get darker and stormier as your hope increases because the timing was perfect. The winds start to howl as your hormones are whipped into…

Hoping in…WHAT?

Uncertainty and fear become constant companions when you desire to have children and cannot. You are constantly assessing your body either for ovulation signs in order to correctly time the deed, or for signs that you are indeed pregnant. I pinned my hope for joy and peace on being pregnant. If only that second line…

No Condemnation

Infertility is full of so many uncertainties. We question everything. Why am I unable to conceive? Did I eat the wrong thing? Did I make poor choices in my past? Did I do something, anything that has caused this pain? Our hearts are condemning us. They are calling us guilty. Guilty of being unable to…

Infertility Tears and More

I have become a crier. I HATE it. I don’t like crying in front of people, or being vulnerable. My mascara runs even though I use the “waterproof” kind. Then I walk around half the day with dark smudges under my eyes and no-body tells me. Do not get me wrong, I have more days…

Comparison is NOT Your Friend

Often on this infertility journey, we look around us and see what other people have. That sweet family of five, the teenage girl who is pregnant and unable or unwilling to take care of her baby, or even your best friend or sister is pregnant, why not me or you? Sisters that is a trap…

What Happened to the Nine?

I will be honest, the idea of having ten children, remember I had one living child prior to IVF, was frightening to me. My first child was, well, strong-willed to put it bluntly. So the idea of having nine more children with similar dispositions scared the wits out of me. I wondered what God was…

A Seed of Hope

I saw it in her hand as she waited for her teacher to open the van door. My heart fluttered nervously. It can’t be, my mind raced. Sure enough as soon as she stepped into the van her smile shone bright and she held out the small white styrofoam cup. “Look mom, tomato plants,” she slightly…

I Wish I was a….

My brother was born before sonograms could determine the gender of unborn babies. My parents chose to decorate his room with green and yellow. Ironically so was the outside of our house (yellow with green trim) and the colors of our middle school (green and gold)…I digress. Wallpaper was also popular back in that time,…

Three Empty Chairs

My blessings have been prodding and poking the painful places in my soul lately. As God is apt to do He uses their naivety to shed light on things I would prefer to leave in the dark. He shakes me awake through them as they open their hearts to me… “Mommy, I want another baby…

Why the Little Things?

Longing…Oh the stretching, longing, burning… The dream of what could be, where to go, but how to get there hangs in the air… We can’t see it. The journey from here to there, but the hope of there is planted firmly in our hearts. The here seems insignificant, unimportant, little. Oh but what we do…

Gray Day

Dr. Seuss wrote a book before he died titled My Many Colored Days. He describes how on different days he feels different. Well, today is a gray day. “Gray day…Everything is gray. I watch, but nothing moves today.” It is cool overcast winter day. The kind of day that the clouds look more like they…

Chilean Mine Rescue

I am enthralled with the Chilean mine rescue that is continuing as I type these words. I am amazed at God’s perfect provision for these men. I am awed at the faith, courage, and perseverance these men have displayed. The idea of being trapped underground for one hour freaks me out. The fact that these…

Love You

Love you. The words tear at my heart. Insatiable longing for who is not, at least not yet. Love you. Echos again in my mind. Ripping my heart open for what is not mine at least not yet. Love you. Whispered this time, as through time and space from some unearthly place. As if to…

Enough Faith to Overcome Infertility Part 3

In part one of this series we discovered that God desires a quality faith. Quality faith says, “I know God is able, but He may not do what I desire Him to do. Regardless, I will not stop worshiping Him.” Part two of this series laid out how we develop a quality faith. Through seeing…

What God does with My Tears

Infertility is the cause of many tears I have shed over the last five years. Sometimes I was so raw that I felt the tears would never stop. A flood from some deep dark place that would only ebb for a few hours and then break loose again. What is truly amazing to me is…

Time to Go

I am in a waiting period in my infertility journey, but many of you are in a season of going. Going involves a different kind of waiting. When we are going, we wait for doctors, test results, social workers, or parental rights to be revoked. This waiting is filled with hope, expectation, and possibility. During…

hope

Rethinking Christian Life, Rethinking God, Rethinking Life

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