What to do with Longings
As I sat in church one Sunday I was distracted. There was a precious child sitting behind me with his grandparents. He was cooing, drinking a bottle, smiling, and laughing. I smiled and a tear developed in my eye as my heart constricted. I wondered how any of us make it through Sunday morning at church. There are always children. Children of every age and yet it is the babies, still bald and chubby, learning to pull up, cooing, and laughing out loud in great delight, that tear at my heart. I smile at their pa
rents, but my throat tightens. I can hardly breathe. Father I say in my head, please remember me. Oh how I long to hold one of those, one who is mine, no matter the color, or sex. Just a baby that is mine. I manage to hold it together, but it is a battle throughout the service. I am blessed that I get to hug the children I do have after service, but I am also saddened as I walk past the baby rooms.
How do we do this thing? How do we live a life of longing? I am praying that every time I long for a child it drives me closer to God. It hurts, I do not understand, but I pray it drives me closer to Him. As I come closer to Him, I pray I let Him heal the other things in my life. My life isn’t perfect, I don’t have it all together nor do I do it all right. I mess up. In fact I mess up a lot. I am thankful for a forgiving God. I am also thankful that He will not finish perfecting me until He takes me from this world. So as I long, I pray I draw close to Him.
How do you handle the longing? What are ways that you make it through church or baby showers? Let me know so we can encourage each other.
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Ang, I am emailing this post to a friend. I think it will minister to her longing heart today. Thank-you for sharing your journey.
I still have those longings occasionally, even after 5 beautiful blessings and knowing that we are “done.” When I feel them, I ask the Lord to give me heart of contentment with all that I do have. And I use those longings as a reminder to pray for friends who are struggling with infertility and orphans who are desperate for a family.
Love you,
ET
Oh yes, orphans too. Since we were once orphans. Now that we have Christ we have been adopted, but we were not always there. Longing covers so many things. For children, a husband, a healed marriage, a mom or dad. Oh Father may we always bring our longings to You, the ONLY ONE who could fill the void of those longings.
Love you too girl!
A