Confidence…

I am treading uncharted waters.  I have felt God’s call on my life for years, but have not known which direction this call would lead.  In the past I have thought it would lead me down certain paths, only to discover I was WRONG!  I have waited and prayed for God’s direction.  Now I know that He is calling me to write.

Honestly, I have been writing poems and short essays since grade school.  Oh, but I have rarely if ever shown anyone anything I wrote.  In high school, I got a notebook in which I put my poetry.  When I showed anyone something I wrote, I would take that one or two pages out of my notebook and let them look at it.  I can only think of one time I handed over the whole notebook.  When I did, I couldn’t even stay in the same room while my friend read.  I don’t consider myself squeamish.  I am not one to run from a challenge or to shrink back from the stage.  Oh, I get butterflies and I get nervous, but I don’t shrink back.  So to be knee-knocking frightened of someone reading my “stuff” was out of character, but part of me.

I’ll be honest, my husband still hasn’t read everything I have written.  I haven’t read everything I have written, but God did something to me a few years back at a ladies retreat for church.  We had just finished our individual quiet times and I felt God had really blessed me.  I had written a prayer of praise and desire to grow more like Him.  In the process, I felt Him telling me to show it to the director of women’s ministry.  **GULP**  I really didn’t want to do that.  I tried to reason with God that Debbie was too busy and I didn’t want to bother her.  I tried to tell myself I was being presumptuous.  I mean we were getting ready to check out, she didn’t need me in her face with so many other things going on.  However God’s still small voice would not allow me to say no.  So, I approached her with shaking knees and hands.  I can’t remember what I said, but I know what she told me after she read it.  She asked me to read it to all the women at the retreat!!!  ME, the girl who doesn’t let her husband read her “stuff” now is going to read the prayer she wrote in front of 100+ women.  I couldn’t say no because I knew it was of God.  I was shaking like a leaf, but I did it!  I read my prayer in front of all those women.  Several women came to me afterward to ask me to e-mail it to them.

God had used my writing, despite my lack of confidence.  I actually started writing prayers for my friends who were experiencing difficult times.  I decided that was how God was going to use my writing, but I was wrong again.  You are reading the blog He has called me to write!  I am writing a book that I feel led and qualified by Him to write.  It is a miracle that in only a few short years, God has brought me to this place of confidence.  I do not know where God will take this writing journey.  Maybe I will be published, but maybe I will be writing for my sweet family.  No matter what I am writing for, I know that I will be rewarded.

Hebrews 10:35-36, 39 “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded,  You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised…But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.”

The Hebrews needed confidence to face persecution.  I need confidence to share what God is putting on my heart.  For what do you need confidence?  Pray with me that you can hold fast to your confidence so you can do the will of God!  It will be richly rewarded.