Healing

September 13, 2012
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God some days my sinful heart can’t see past my circumstances.
There seems to be a hole in my heart.
Disappointments tear, frustrations rip, emotions sear.
Tension mounts and all I see is me. . .
This stumbling fumbling woman who can’t get herself together.
Desperately I flail at those around me.
If only I tell myself. . .
If only. . .
my kids wouldn’t fuss.
my husband would wash the dishes.
my friends would call me.
my hair would lay right.
In the far away world of “If-Only” there my perfect peace resides.
God, I make myself an idol.
As if I could bring myself peace.
If I could control the world then all would be right.
Oh but God I forget I am stumbling.
My way is not the right way and my way does not bring peace.
Still I hold tight to what I want and how I want it.
I cling to “shoulds” like I know what should have been. . . if only. . .
And I circle around myself, my way, my choices, sure of myself.
I mourn for things You never planned for me.
I sink low clawing and clinging to a purpose You never gave me.
Oh, that I would lay it all down at Your feet.
Perhaps that is why I stumble. . . So I have to lay down at Your feet.
Low, on the ground, in desperate need of Your grace.
Maybe it is there, face flat on the ground, that I can finally pry my hands open.
There with face in the mud I finally let go of the idol I make of me and let You fill me.
Oh that I would willingly bring myself low instead of You having to force me there.
To humble myself before You, take my eyes off myself and my circumstances.
There You heal my raw heart and breathe hope into the dark places.

Angela Mackey

Angela Mackey

Angela is a stumbling woman in need of God’s scandalous grace. Through faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, she bears the name Christian. She speaks and writes to make much of this God, His only Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit who lives in her. She graduated college with a Bachelor’s Degree in Nursing and is a Registered Nurse. She also obtained her Masters of Arts in Biblical and Theological Studies through Knox Theological Seminary.

12 Comments

  1. Samuel on September 13, 2012 at 1:31 am

    This is something of a modern day psalm, isn’t it! Very raw and honest. Free of pretence. I’m sure many can identify with it in their own experiences. There’s always hope when we are as inside-out as this – with Him and with ourselves.

    Thanks for being real.

    Reply
    • Angela Mackey on September 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

      Thanks Samuel. God uses our brokenness for His glory.

      Reply
  2. Gary Ware on September 13, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Samuel said it for me.

    Reply
  3. Natasha on September 13, 2012 at 10:10 am

    so, so good.

    Reply
  4. Amy Alves on September 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Beautiful honesty Angela. HE is so good at His job when we invite Him in like this. He is restoration and love! ~ Blessings from Maine sister, Amy

    Reply
    • Angela Mackey on September 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

      Yes Amy! He is good and He will work in us when we come to Him with a contrite heart.

      Reply
  5. Amy Schaffner on September 21, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It’s like you crawled in my head and wrote about me, we are so much alike. Love you friend!

    Reply
  6. Barbara Isaac on September 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    I love, ” He heals my raw heart.” Indeed He does!
    Visiting from http://www.mylifeasanadventure.com

    Reply
    • Angela Mackey on September 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      Thanks for coming by Barabara! So glad my words touched you.

      Reply

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